Tonight at our family meeting we let the kids know about DNSN week. Of course we didn't call it that -- we told them that we are always looking to be better parents and that this week we were going to see how things went if we stopped doing things like reminding them to do things or to remember things. We called it "a challenge week" and we talked a bit about specifics -- like, that we would still make dinner -- but also told them we wouldn't remind them to do their contributions, get out to the bus on time or do their homework. They already get their own breakfast and lunch beautifully every morning. The rub has been that they get into playing or watching tv while they are waiting until it is time to go out the door -- and I've been guilty of reminding them its time to go. We also said we would help them with homework if they asked.
Initially there was not much of a reaction -- they seemed to wonder why we were doing this and maybe not grasping what it was we were doing. I asked M if he thought there were some things we could do better as parents -- or if there were things that we did that bothered him -- like reminding him. He said there wasn't anything. K had a few questions, but no real reaction.
A short time later, M said that he didn't think we should do "the challenge". He then said that he didn't feel like the fact that they have to do contributions at all was right. When I asked him why, he said that it just didn't feel right and that we were pushing he and K to do something that other kids didn't do. I asked him what he thought about those other kids. He didn't have much of a reaction -- so then I asked him if he'd like to be stranded on an island with kids that couldn't take care of things (I know, I know, I need to shut up and find another way to ask a question). He said he wouldn't care, that he would just take care of his own stuff. I thought it was interesting that M used the verb "push" --- this is exactly the word that Vicki has used whenever we've asked her questions about M. She said that we need to push him, to challenge him and let him be a bit uncomfortable in situations to explore and learn about his own abilities. Hard to think of that when your kid has tears in his eyes - which M did tonight when he was saying this. It seemed like he was feeling scared and uncomfortable. Ahhhh, that is what I should have asked about -- not the desert island question.
No further comment or question from K -- although she echoed M's thoughts.
Our plan for the week is to say as little as possible about logistics of life and see how we all do and feel. I might have to resort to tape on the mouth in the morning. I'm sure both kids would think that is hilarious. I've already planned on them missing the bus at least once this week. I don't think they comprehend the ways they can take advantage of this week -- skipping school or eating only junk for dinner or staying up late. It will be really interesting to see if they get that insight. I think a part of me would be glad if they didn't clue into that -- but another part of me would be really disappointed that they didn't maximize the situation.
I'm feeling a bit nervous -- still not sure of all the boundaries of what I will do / won't do. But, it is good to exploration to have everything called into question -- that way everything is more deliberate.
DNSN, here we come!
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